I’m still feeling really guilty that I had to get help with writing a thesis abstract. As I said previously, I have hired somebody to write the thesis abstract for me. This is the second bit of cheating I’ve done, as I have previously, got the entire thesis writing done.
So I now have a thesis sitting here, which I have edited and changed a little bit, but is still mostly work I have ordered online, waiting for an abstract to be written about it I got somebody else right as well. Then all I will do is tidy up thesis abstract so that it looks like the original thesis and I will hand it in.
The reason for this is that I have given up trying this time. My motivation has dropped to the floor and my panic has gone through the ceiling, meaning that I am totally incapable of getting this done to the standard that will do the work I have done justice.
I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth. I really feel I could produce a good thesis but my brain has gone to bits and I’m just not prepared to waste all this work and get a poor score.
So today I drown my sorrows, or rather I started last night, drinking wine and I went basically through the night and into this morning. But then I crashed and burned all day, and now I’m sitting here feeling really ridiculous. Not only am I cheating with my degree and thesis writing, but I am also basically drowning it in 24 hours almost of drinking heavily. That’s ridiculous and I know that my family and friends would be disgusted with me.
Anyway, at least I am confessing it here in this blog and that is helping me a bit. I feel horrendous in all ways, but I feel like confessing it here will allow me to start again. Tomorrow has to be a fresh start, and I have to get my head together and get myself sorted so that I can get on with my life again.